one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
