he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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