There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
