No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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