JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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