Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
