my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
