We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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