So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
