I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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