Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
