the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
