Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
