Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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