I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
