Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
