Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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