There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
they need to just BURY HIM!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
