so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
