Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
