I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
