someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
