My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
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