Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
