Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
