The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
