Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize