We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
only you would photoshop your dick
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
