I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
