The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
