Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize