On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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