Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
