is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
