That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You are a genius and a whore.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
