Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
