im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
