I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
