Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize