My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
