if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
