even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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