In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
