Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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