Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
