Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
