I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
