I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
