If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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