Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
