I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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