I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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