I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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