Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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