I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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