Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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