I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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