Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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