What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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