I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
