come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I smell stomach acid.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
