Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
