Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
