please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
