Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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