don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
