Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
