haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize