Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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