Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
