All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you will always have a special place in my vag
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
