12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize