No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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