I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
