i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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