The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
